Sourthern Thoughts

In the south, only poor people walk. And only drunks take taxis.

Did I really just drink that?

Went out to a bar that a friend of mine was bartending at last night. I was pretty good and stuck with the pbr but I did ask him to put together some kind of "seat of your pants" specially shot. He asked if I wanted something spicy or fruity. I replied, "Is it to much to ask for both?" About a minute later he came back with a full shaker and two shot glasses. Shots were taken, looks were exchanged and it was agreed that he had recreated the flavor of vomit. I'm not kidding. The actual flavor. 

Oscar the Blog. Year 2.

Because I find myself at my own private Oscar Party tonight and I'm still as lame as I was last year I'm once again live-blogging the Oscars. 

This happens to be the first time I have actually seen every film thats been nominated for Best Picture. So.... Woo!

And we're off.

6:37 Tuned into E!'s red carpet covered. Pretty low energy. Must be the weather. It looks awfully cloudy.

 

6:44 Seacrest just informed us that its raining. Theres a hole in the tent, and its getting his hair wet:( And it also appears that he has a midget that blows him during the commercial breaks.

6:50 Does any suit pass for a tux these days? What is Seacrest wearing? He looks like a man of the cloth.

7:02 In fact, I kinda think Seacrest might be losing his shit. And is that really a Patrick Dempsey doll? It looks suspiciously like a New Kids doll in a tux.

7:06 I'm seriously starting to think that "The Rock" (or Dwayne Johnson as he likes to be called now) and Barack Obama are the same person. 

7:15 HOLY SHIT!!! Busey went crazy on Seacrest! And that might just be the most exciting portion of the evening. And what do you think Busey was referring to when he said to Seacrest "I'm mad at you for what you haven't done." As in what, send flowers?

7:23 Ugh, I haven't showered yet today. Think now might be a good time. Be right back.

8:04 Ahhh, That feels better. I've now switched to ABC coverage and E! has switched to The Soup. Don't think I'm not tempted.

8:32 And what exactly was that thing that Jon Stewart was under? Will it be pooping out all the presenters tonight?

8:46 How odd, the first award of the night coincides with my first drink of the night!

8:58 Wow. The guy that just won Best Makeup is just a beard away from being the french Kenny Rogers!

9:30 Owen Wilson's in the house! And very visibly on anti-depressants. 

9:39 Wait Tilda Swinton and Cate Blanchett aren't the same person?

9:41 I think Hollywood is the only group of people that actually remember George Clooney as Batman.

9:48 The Coen brothers win they're first award of the night for Best Adapted Screenplay. I smell a sweep.

10:06 And the Bourne Ultimatium wins both sound awards. Can't they just have a catgory for Kick Ass?

10:23 Jack Nicholson is now on his second pair of sunglasses. I'm on my third drink. I win!

10:28 Film editing! I'm calling it for Bourne.

10:29 And I'm right!

10:30 "Wow, film editing. Someone just took the lead in their office Oscar pool based on a guess." Best joke of the evening.

10:46 This is the last best song performance right? Right? Right!?

They even have an Amy Adam's look-a-like for this number too. 

10:49 We get it. John Travolta is known for his dancing. Like how Robert Downey Jr. is known for his substance abuse problems.

11:10 Best Score. Whoa, I had just assumed that Johnny Greenwood had been nominated for There Will Be Blood. WTF.

11:14 So they sent the envelope to the soldiers in Iraq. Does that mean that Price Waterhouse had to have someone hand deliver it? Wish I could have been in the room when that junior partner was told what he would be doing this weekend. Of cause it was Best Short Documentary.  How secret do you really need to keep that. I mean, I've already forgot who won.

11:19 Wow, its almost 11:30 already. This thing is definitely not ending on time.

11:27 Juno wins best screenplay. It's very deserved, but I really wanted Michael Clayton to win something.

11:36 Best Actor. Daniel Day-Lewis. This is by far the most lyrical acceptance speech I've ever heard in my life.

11:43 The Coen Brothers win best director. Paul Thomas Anderson is visibly pissed.

11:48 And that's it. No Country gets best picture. I like There Will Be Blood better. But then, I also thought No Country was amazing. As long as Crash doesn't win I'm happy. 

11:50 Good show over all, but perhaps the most non-memorable I've seen. I'm mean the thing was half montage. Ok, Im tired and I need a cigarette. Night.